Tik Tok Shoe

Now yes these shoes are Yves Saint Laurent but there is just too much going on with these shoes. The laces, the open toe and the side openings is just all too much. The best part? The gold detail around what looks like a clock face.

I’m not sure if that detail is actually a clock but it’s close enough to looking like one. Since when did there become a need for a clock on a pair of shoes?

Maxwell Smart’s phone shoe…now there is a good idea! No more forgetting your phone, no more rummaging in the depths of your bag trying to find it when you hear it ring. Wearing a phone shoe means you would never lose your phone. Unless you lost your shoes, which come to think of it is not as unlikely as it may seem!

Having said that a clock shoe really has no purpose, I can see Ms Carrie Bradshaw running late to some fab party down a New York street in these heels, stopping briefly just see by how much she is running late. So maybe it does have its uses!

IF THESE SHOES COULD TALK THEY WOULD SAY: Tik Tok, on the clock. The party don’t stop, no!

Ice Skating

I love ice skating and have many fond memories of going to the Ice Arena when I was younger, but I have never thought the ice skates that you are made to wear were a fashion statement. If this photo is anything to go by, they apparently are!

Yes, the professionals have much better skates than the ones available for hire. And if you watch ice skating events, the skates always match the outfit. But these shoes aren’t inspired by those types of skates.

In my opinion, there is nothing fashionable about these shoes. Everything from the colour to the laces to the open toe. I’ve never been a huge fan of white or beige shoes (except on your wedding day!) especially boots. Perhaps these shoes would have been more bearable if there wasn’t an open toe. There is just too much going on for the one shoe.

I am sure when the first pair of ice skates were made, the maker never thought there would be people out there who were going to wear them by choice.

IF THESE SHOES COULD TALK THEY WOULD SAY: Keep it on the ice.

Bandage shoes

I don’t know why I am admitting this but I have always wanted to break a bone…my own! I’ve always wanted to have some plaster on a broken wrist or leg. Now I don’t know why and am sure the pain would be unbearable but there it is. And I am not alone. My housemate loves crutches and always gets her photo taken with them if she sees someone out with them!

When I came across these shoes I realised I didn’t have to break anything, I could just wear these shoes and it would look like I had done some kind of damage to my ankle.

Now it’s not a good picture, but it looks like this model has gone to the chemist and wrapped her ankles with bandages!

What perhaps contributes to how bad they look is that fine nude coloured strip near the toes and then her skin and then the rest of the shoes. It would perhaps have been better if there was no gap between the strip and the “bandage”.

Perhaps it is also the colour of her skin, but there is nothing pleasant or attractive about these shoes.

IF THESE SHOES COULD TALK THEY WOULD SAY: Call the doctor please!

The wearer of these shoes would be strong, confident and self assured. These shoes would certainly be a talking point. And you surely would not be able to stand up in them for long. Look at the angle of the model’s feet. It’s almost like she is on tippy toes. Ouch!

I love everything about these shoes though. The colour, the points, the straps, the buckles, the way they appear to be made for the feet and the way they elongate the legs.

Looking at these shoes reminds me of those fitted military-style jackets with never ending horizontal stripes and embellishments. I saw a picture of Victoria Beckham recently wearing a leather army-style hat and leather ensemble. If I had been able to scan down to her feet, I bet she was wearing these shoes! You can just imagine her in them.

The next thing that comes to mind…where can I get a pair?!

If these shoes could talk they would say: Love not war

For a start the peep toe doesn’t seem to work with the shoes in this pic. Maybe because the model’s feet seem to be too big. Or maybe the peep toe is a little too small.

Maybe it’s the positioning of the model’s legs but when I see these shoes I immediately think of horse hooves or maybe camel feet is more appropriately given the colour.

Look closely and even the whole shoe itself looks like a horses head with the buckle strap coming together as ears on either side. All it needs are two eyes on the side and there you have it!

If these shoes could talk they would say: where’s the nearest paddock?!

The love for shoes I think has something to do with the fact that once you get to a certain age, your shoe size never changes. There is something comforting about that.

And there are so many types to choose from: flats, highs, sandals, thongs, wedges, boots. And if you are lucky, you can often find some that are like a piece of artwork, intricate, beautiful and stylish.

So here will be my place to say whatever I like about shoes I come across. I have long thought that shoes can say a lot about the person wearing them.

But if shoes could talk what would they say??